Too Real: Inept Phone Service - Breathing Space Blog

Welcome to the XYZ Company's electronic answering system. If you know your party's extension, why did you call our main switchboard?

(With Government) You have reached a non-working number at the U.S. Department of Labor, and hence we can't connect you with anyone.

Calls are taken in the order received so please stay on the line so that we can repeat this irritating message at least a half a dozen times. You will not be disconnected, unless, of course, you are.

Your call is important to us, which is why we're willing to tie up your phone for a half an hour.

If you're calling from a touch-tone phone and would like to leave a message, press the # sign followed by the number 2, followed by the digits of your social security number...

Once your message is completed, if you'd like to change it, press star button followed by the number 4, or wait for further overly-complex instructions.

To reach a customer service representative, who will practice learning English during your call, press 5.

To reach technical support, press 7 and please make sure you have your customer ID number, equipment serial number, original invoice, and lots of reading material.

For all other departments, please stay on the line where you'll be subjected to Muzak.